Recently, I came across my roommate watching the anime Death Note. Now, I understand a little bit of the story. More importantly, I have the overall jist of how the titular notebook works. Write down someone’s name, and they die. Simple enough concept. Then again, there’s one more detail that makes this concept much more interesting. You can also write down how you want them to die.

Which got me thinking. Why is this Light fellow coming up with such boring ways to kill people? Burning to death in a fire? Bah. If I had a Death Note, and was willing to face the consequences of using it, I’d at least have some fun with the ways I made people shed their mortal coil.

“John Doe. Swallows his own head. Last words are ‘Hey guys! Watch this!’”

“Joe Shmoe. Puts his head up his ass and suffocates right in front of the cop giving him a parking ticket.”

“Jane Smith. Crushed under Rosie O’Donnell’s fat rolls Akira style”

“Steven McImrunningoutofnames. Dies from being crushed under a collapsing wall. Last words are “Hey! Kool Aid!”

“Bob Johnson. Cancer. Ironically enough, this manages to kill him mere nanoseconds before the woodchopper he’s being fed into can.”

I dunno. Just a thought.